Starting to Grieve

I guess I better start talking / writing about my Mom. She has been in the nursing home for a little over 2 years now. She has been in the hospital twice this winter with influenza. This last time was very scary as she was close to death. I must say my Mom has not been the same since. She is on a lot of medication and I try to take that into account. Using words that don't belong, not staying on topic, easily confused, and anger are a part of every visit now. Today I went to see her after morning meeting. She says she knows she is getting close to dying. We talked about her DNR order and Hospice and how a person can not have both. Mom wants to rescind her DNR order saying it was a joke when she signed up. She wants heroic measures taken to save her life; even if it mean being put on a respirator. I tried to talk to her about quality vs quantity in life. The will to live is so strong. At least it is in her. I wonder if I will be like that when it is my turn?