GRIEVING

My Mom died @ 1:28am Thursday April 17. She was surrounded by her family until the end. We did not realize she was so close to death this past week. I knew she was scared but she never said, "I'm dying". Maybe she thought she had more time too.
I've not really cried yet. Oh, a whimper here and there but not bawled like I know I need to do. I've been keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to feel but I know the pain is there waiting to consume me when I finally let it through. All my life I've had to be the strong one. I'm the oldest and had to always be an example and was told "Big girls don't cry".
Mom died from COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). A disease I also have and treat every day. I'm frightened that I will follow my mothers same path. She is only 16 yrs older than me.
I'm very grateful for my Mom's church family. They have been so supportive through this difficult time. We will have the funeral at the church on Monday April 21 at 5:00pm.