* THE WALL *
I sat inside my wall safe and secure from the entire world. My wall kept me secure. My wall allowed no one to come near me, no one to touch me, no one to see the real me. My wall was beautiful. I loved my wall. I had spent a lifetime constructing my wall. I had used only the choicest materials for building my wall. A large stone which was the centerpiece of my wall was resentment. This was a rock that I cherished deeply. Next to this rock was another which I truly loved and this rock was self-pity. Next to this rock was one called hatred. Next to it was one called rationalization. Next to it was one called fear. This was a large and heavy stone. A stone that I had placed very carefully into my wall. One was called anger. This was large and brightly colored stone that the entire world could see. This was a very important stone in my wall anger. Because it warded off many people who tried to approach me as I set behind my wall. Jealousy was another prominent stone in my wall. A stone that I had nurtured and kept with me for years. It was my constant companion. Frustration was also a part of my wall. In fact, my entire wall was fraught with frustration. It was the mortar that held all the stones in place that protected me. As I said, I had taken years to build this wall and it protected me from the world and cushioned me from all reality. I loved my wall. No one could approach me. No one could get close.
Then one day as I was sitting secure behind my wall, something very strange happened. I heard someone pass outside my wall. I could not see who it was but I heard their footsteps stop beside my wall. A flower was thrown over the top of my wall and it fell at my feet. A delicate fragile single blossom. I picked it up and looked at it in wonderment. It was so beautiful. It was perfect. And I wondered who had thrown the flower over my wall. And I was curious. So I called out and asked who had thrown the flower over my wall, and a voice replied, “A friend.” I replied I have not friend, and I was happy again for my wall. There was stone of doubt in my wall that allowed me not to be deceived by this person. Then I heard a strange noise. It was weeping. The stranger outside my wall, who had thrown the flower, was crying beside my wall. So I called out and I asked them why they cried and they answered because they cared. They said they would like to breach my wall and come close to me. But I would not allow this. So as the weeping persisted, I thought perhaps this person would not hurt me. Perhaps I could allow them to come a little closer and not suffer any ill effects. So I pushed aside one small part of my wall. One small stone I removed from my wall and left an opening. And to my amazement, the stranger outside my wall put his hand through the hole in my wall, and stood there asking nothing, expecting nothing, just an outstretched hand. Haltingly, hesitatingly, I reached out and took hold of the strangers’ hand. And a very wondrous thing happened. I felt warmth. I felt a vitality in a strangers’ hand that I had never known before. And we stood there holding hands through the wall I had built around myself.
So I told the stranger, “If you will help me, we can remove a few stones from my wall so that you might pass through.” The stranger said he would be more than willing to help. So begrudgingly, fearfully, I allowed the stranger to remove a few of the small insignificant stones from my wall until they had made a hole large enough to step through. And they stepped inside my wall and said, “I am here to help you. I am here to be a friend.” This stranger was within my wall. I had no defense. So I placed my arms around this strangers shoulder and I wept. For at last I had found that I could allow another human being to come close to me and I would not be injured or hurt. My new found friend said, “This wall is unnecessary. If you will help me, we can push down this wall and free you from it, where you can see the beautiful world outside.”
I was very hesitant to allow the friend to remove the stones from my wall. But one by one, together, we dragged down the stones. Frustration left. And then we tore down the stone of resentment which was heavy and defied movement for a long time. We labored together. Sometimes quickly and sometimes at a very slow pace, because I was still very hesitant about removing my wall. And finally the hole was large enough so that I could look out into the world. And I could see the beauty of the world for the first time. And for the first time I was not afraid and I realized that this wall that I had built to protect myself had not only protected me from the world, but it had shut me off from the beauty of life and the world around me. Everywhere outside my wall there were strangers and friends who are willing to help. Those who are willing to share with me their love and their caring.
I have wept many times at the passing of my wall. There are still parts of my wall standing. Sometimes in moments of weakness, I retreat behind what is left of my wall and I stand there shielded from the world. But each time I shield myself from the world, I realize that I am cutting myself off from all that the world has to offer; of friendship, of love, of caring. And upon rethinking my situation each time, I tear a little more of my wall down. Every day I become more visible to the world and every day I am able to view more of the world. To enjoy the beauties of this world with the help of a friend. A friend who wanted no more than to help. And I asked my friend, “How can I repay you for what you have given me?” And my friends reply was strange because it was unselfish. My friend said, “I see another wall. Behind that wall is another stranger who would like to be a friend.” So now I pick a flower and I cast it over some stranger’s wall in the hope that I can repay some of what has been given to me. Of love. Of caring. Of the knowledge that there is good and that good is there for all. And all that we must do is to open a little hole in our wall where we can view the world and the world can view us. And it can be a beautiful place.
I sat inside my wall safe and secure from the entire world. My wall kept me secure. My wall allowed no one to come near me, no one to touch me, no one to see the real me. My wall was beautiful. I loved my wall. I had spent a lifetime constructing my wall. I had used only the choicest materials for building my wall. A large stone which was the centerpiece of my wall was resentment. This was a rock that I cherished deeply. Next to this rock was another which I truly loved and this rock was self-pity. Next to this rock was one called hatred. Next to it was one called rationalization. Next to it was one called fear. This was a large and heavy stone. A stone that I had placed very carefully into my wall. One was called anger. This was large and brightly colored stone that the entire world could see. This was a very important stone in my wall anger. Because it warded off many people who tried to approach me as I set behind my wall. Jealousy was another prominent stone in my wall. A stone that I had nurtured and kept with me for years. It was my constant companion. Frustration was also a part of my wall. In fact, my entire wall was fraught with frustration. It was the mortar that held all the stones in place that protected me. As I said, I had taken years to build this wall and it protected me from the world and cushioned me from all reality. I loved my wall. No one could approach me. No one could get close.
Then one day as I was sitting secure behind my wall, something very strange happened. I heard someone pass outside my wall. I could not see who it was but I heard their footsteps stop beside my wall. A flower was thrown over the top of my wall and it fell at my feet. A delicate fragile single blossom. I picked it up and looked at it in wonderment. It was so beautiful. It was perfect. And I wondered who had thrown the flower over my wall. And I was curious. So I called out and asked who had thrown the flower over my wall, and a voice replied, “A friend.” I replied I have not friend, and I was happy again for my wall. There was stone of doubt in my wall that allowed me not to be deceived by this person. Then I heard a strange noise. It was weeping. The stranger outside my wall, who had thrown the flower, was crying beside my wall. So I called out and I asked them why they cried and they answered because they cared. They said they would like to breach my wall and come close to me. But I would not allow this. So as the weeping persisted, I thought perhaps this person would not hurt me. Perhaps I could allow them to come a little closer and not suffer any ill effects. So I pushed aside one small part of my wall. One small stone I removed from my wall and left an opening. And to my amazement, the stranger outside my wall put his hand through the hole in my wall, and stood there asking nothing, expecting nothing, just an outstretched hand. Haltingly, hesitatingly, I reached out and took hold of the strangers’ hand. And a very wondrous thing happened. I felt warmth. I felt a vitality in a strangers’ hand that I had never known before. And we stood there holding hands through the wall I had built around myself.
So I told the stranger, “If you will help me, we can remove a few stones from my wall so that you might pass through.” The stranger said he would be more than willing to help. So begrudgingly, fearfully, I allowed the stranger to remove a few of the small insignificant stones from my wall until they had made a hole large enough to step through. And they stepped inside my wall and said, “I am here to help you. I am here to be a friend.” This stranger was within my wall. I had no defense. So I placed my arms around this strangers shoulder and I wept. For at last I had found that I could allow another human being to come close to me and I would not be injured or hurt. My new found friend said, “This wall is unnecessary. If you will help me, we can push down this wall and free you from it, where you can see the beautiful world outside.”
I was very hesitant to allow the friend to remove the stones from my wall. But one by one, together, we dragged down the stones. Frustration left. And then we tore down the stone of resentment which was heavy and defied movement for a long time. We labored together. Sometimes quickly and sometimes at a very slow pace, because I was still very hesitant about removing my wall. And finally the hole was large enough so that I could look out into the world. And I could see the beauty of the world for the first time. And for the first time I was not afraid and I realized that this wall that I had built to protect myself had not only protected me from the world, but it had shut me off from the beauty of life and the world around me. Everywhere outside my wall there were strangers and friends who are willing to help. Those who are willing to share with me their love and their caring.
I have wept many times at the passing of my wall. There are still parts of my wall standing. Sometimes in moments of weakness, I retreat behind what is left of my wall and I stand there shielded from the world. But each time I shield myself from the world, I realize that I am cutting myself off from all that the world has to offer; of friendship, of love, of caring. And upon rethinking my situation each time, I tear a little more of my wall down. Every day I become more visible to the world and every day I am able to view more of the world. To enjoy the beauties of this world with the help of a friend. A friend who wanted no more than to help. And I asked my friend, “How can I repay you for what you have given me?” And my friends reply was strange because it was unselfish. My friend said, “I see another wall. Behind that wall is another stranger who would like to be a friend.” So now I pick a flower and I cast it over some stranger’s wall in the hope that I can repay some of what has been given to me. Of love. Of caring. Of the knowledge that there is good and that good is there for all. And all that we must do is to open a little hole in our wall where we can view the world and the world can view us. And it can be a beautiful place.
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